i dreamt and feel something extraordinary last night. seriously (syok) weh!

( Yesterday's post got repeated 6 TIMES, which is probably a silly-rushed thing because it was written when I was too tired to think and was mostly about being too tired to think. But now it's the next day, and I'm sitting here trying to keep things in order again. TQ, Zeekaa sebab ingatkan aku ; p )

Here again. I plan to do nothing for a few days except rilex, meet friends, read comics, watch things on TV, seek new spirits and sometimes, walk and recharge my batteries. Time to recover. The walking will be made more difficult by unruly sudden rains that hit my area for this past days. But I don't mind about that bit of an adventure. A schedule life will resume soon on Monday, I guess. So, if any of you tried to call or SMS me and I kinda missed it --- please do try again. Maybe I'm that way OFF.

I'm starting to repeat myself but it's still true: the best bit about having accumulated writings and habits, it seems, is not the devoted old spirit. Today had the potential for being one of those mellow-full-of-sentiment days, given that it began at a very early morning. I remembered the good 'ol days somehow. Where everything is still in the 'comfort' zone. Pegi sekolah, balik sekolah, makan, pegi lepak, main bola, layan kartun/komik , makan, gayut dengan awek, baca komik, tido (repeat for a full 5 YEARS!). With an additional oddities and occasional surprises here and there. Then my teenage years left me. Came the young-adult era ( ...zaman-zaman belia. Fuff! Memang dahsyat)

Hence, the idea and obsession of owning a time machine came about again and again and again.

I'm not sure there's a short or an easy answer for being an adult. A lot of the time, it doesn't feel like it has much to do with my past or future at all, which may be one of the problems with me being a wanderer, or may be one of the benefits of me being a wanderer. It's probably more immediate being a writer, say, or a former journalist. You go out there day or night and do the things you do for lots of people who appreciate or take notice of your work or don't... at all. But the thing(s) I do, that's important when I do it well, is to write and that's a pretty solitary sort of occupation. I like the privacy and whatever anonymity I still have.

As for the rest of it, I like just the way it is but I don't take it personally anyhow. I'm pleased people like my stories but consider that mostly to be my good fortune in that the stories I like to write seem to be stories that many people want to read, be it good or not. I couldn't write 'to suit popular taste' to save my life, so I'm just lucky there's an audience out there. I'm always very aware that most writers here in Malaysia have real jobs (bloggers included) and that those of us who can give up our day jobs to write are few and far between and very lucky indeed. I'm pleased when the stories help people (something I had to come to terms with at first with the comics or articles I wrote before, when I'd get comments or e-mails from people for whom FaizalMukhtar, as a character, had allowed them to cope before he was lesser known ). But I'm always aware that the stories weren't written to do that. They just did. And that it had as much to do with the people reading as it did to do with me.

So, I'm grateful and I'm lucky. But every now and again, I wonder whether it's just some sort of odd sweet dreams I'm having when I'm twelve years old and older, in which I got to do everything I ever wanted and sooner or later my father or mother will go waking me up in every other morning with a reminder of life and tell me that I'm have to go for school and be a 'person'.

Having said all that, we're now living in a magical world in which there's honestly very little reason why something like the Internet or Astro or TGV or GSC wouldn't be available for the world when I was twelve years old. I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't available now even. People always forget and take things for granted.

p/s: This entry provides everything I needed earlier today. Escapism. Reassurance. Optimism. Maturity. I felt the need to say thank you for that. Thank you.