Rabu, Januari 05, 2005

New Year was an astonishing day of oddness and coincidence and one or two particular miracle and revelation … so happy that Allah SWT still gives me that gift - that chance and opportunity ( ALHAMDULILLAH )

I ought to post something yesterday, but tiredness and fatigue has caught up with me, like a jumbo jet landing down on my body. With me being the airport rail, I suppose, because I don't feel very strong and mighty. Wrote stuff earlier today, did some discussing and meeting, and picked and read a few comic book titles at my fortress of solitude – Karangkraf . I read it with full concentration and delighted. Meanwhile, the comic I’m working on right now will be published for a soon to be confirmed date later on this month; they reshuffled the scheduled again last week. It's a good and excellent book, of a kind.

Learn this while arguing with a couple of my mentors here at work.

All creators, may it be writers or artists alike should find themselves with nothing to do for a whole day if there’s zero idea knocking in their head, now and again. It's good for the imagination and the head for not pushing or pressuring ones creativity and thinking capability.

This is what I did in reality: I went thinking and writing for stories or ideas for other peoples benefit. Also I ate lunch and dinner for free in return of the favour. Being a rotten helper and friend, I came away from receiving tons and tons of back-talkers (... lebih kurang samamakna dengan si pencakap belakang@Melayu tipikal ), vicious critiques and brutal brickbats. None of these are the kinds of things I can give comments or evaluation in any form and level. Any rational / relevant point taken there?

This is what i did on the inside if I received any of the related things like the above : I made stuff up to sooth my self, especially for my fragile pair of ears. I sketched out some stories, and began writing one of them using real life characters having fictional name. I wrote poems and sonnets and rhymes; and give some away to my selected friendsters’ to ease the pressure a bit. A few blog mates had some too : mostly girls of course. To the men – I had other stuff to be reckoned with. Pretty much everyone I talk to seems to think this is a very bad idea, and think I've rather managed to upset several people I care about by deciding to go with the procedure.

Well, sure, for whatever good it will do. The people who would do ‘damage’ to me, or to my past and future, probably not reading this blogger discreetly ( and considering the tremendous amount of kaki-kutuk I got, I’m in a state of virtual mental disorder and mind paralysis … so to speak ). I don't even think that, for example, explaining that the Taliban or Al-Qaeda no more represents terrorism than those tormenting my ideas and thinking here in my own domain. These thugs represent hatred and self-inferiority complex and even egoism. Neo-paganism would be a suitable label for this type of people..

Yup. Something's wrong with me, and I don't know what it is sometimes. Opening my mind and heart which was tightly close and shut over the past years. Do not try to run from any of this; I tell myself. And as for me, I'm writing away as best I can.

My immediate paranoid reaction was to assume that it was another bad dream turning into a nightmare .

p/s : … and then again, nobodys perfect kan?


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