Isnin, Jun 28, 2004

" There are only two worlds -- your world, which is the real world, and other worlds, the fantasy. Worlds like this are worlds of the human imagination: their reality, or lack of reality, is not important. What is important is that they are there. These worlds provide an alternative. Provide an escape. Provide a threat. Provide a dream, and power; provide refuge, and pain. They give your world meaning. They do not exist; and thus they are all that matters. Do you understand? ... "

- Queen of Faerie, in Neil Gaiman's The Books of Magic.

... deidre of the sorrows ( while i was reading my favourite comic book )

" beauty,

rendered in pencil.

shades of flowing gray veiled in mystery

i know your name, deirdre of the sorrows,

but it means little to me

ink on a page

words on my lips

nothing more

still, it hints at stories yet to be told

stories i wish to hear

maybe someday i'll ask

but for now, though i wring my hands in shame,

i am content to sit in awe

of a master craftsman's work. "

p/s : just happened to be another day ... with a good book.

"Are you crying?
No, I'm bleeding"

- conversation between two dreamers in The Wake.

...When you DREAM,you REMEMBER; when you WAKE UP you always FORGET.

What was it like, in the end? What it always is. A handful of yarn; a little weaving and stitching; some embroidery perhaps. A few loose ends, but that's only to be expected.
I think the whole world's gone mad.It's always been like this...probably just don't get out enough.I walk across the dreaming sands under the pale moon: through the dreams of countries and cities, past dreams of places long gone and times beyond recall.

"All around me darkness gathers,
Fading is the sun that shone;
We must speak of other matters:
You can be me when I'm gone

Flowers gathered in the evening,
Afternoon they blossom on;
Still are withered by the evening:
You can be me when I'm gone"

/Two-part poem in The Kindly Ones.

Khamis, Jun 24, 2004

"We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep"

I am vexed
I cannot write, they come to me only in dreams
whispering the perfect phrase, the stone
that will lock all others into place.

It is so clear, in my dream.

Each morning, I race to scribble
my newest truth and wonder why,
pen to paper, I find it hardened,
malformed in the waking light ...
a mooncalf, yes.

They say the faerie folk give to mortals gold
that, the next day, turns in its pouch
to yellow leaves or a lump of coal...

a lump in the throat and a pain behind the eyes, in my case.
It crouches, waiting to spread itself out
weblike along the inside of my skull.
All day I mutter to myself
and down pint after pint to drown
the taste of the sea so heavy in my mouth.

to damn the faeries and their fools gold.

But, instead I let my forehead rest
against the wood of the table as
I feel the cold making a knot in my stomach:
Last night I slept but did not dream
And I know they have gone for good this time.
I will write the epilogue in supplicant prayer.
Prospero may be noble, but I am groveling for my audience

knowing, as I do, the ending,

regardless of the story, is nothing more.

Rabu, Jun 23, 2004

bila naluri memberontak ... bangkit rasa sedar.

bilah-bilah kehidupan mulai membentuk.

ketika menghimpun kenangan dan masa silam,segalanya memang samar ... tidak sama jika dibanding atau meninjau masa yang hadapan.kebarangkalian diulit rasa kesal masih ada dan ia masih menyelubung diri.tiada apa yang dapat mengubah takdir itu,biar ia abadi bersatu dengan rasa sesalan.

siang dan malam seolah-oalah mengherdik diri agar cepat bangkit.bangun dan mengubah agar tidak akan ada keinsafan kelak.namun,ini semua pasti akan berubah jika ada halangan.dorongan pasti datang,namun bila dan dari mana - itu masih kurang kepastiannya.

persoalan sering hadir : adakah ini semua takdir? atau adakah takdir itu musuh abadi buat kita semua. mujur datang harapan --- semangat yang muncul dengan secara sengaja atau terancang.aku sudah mulai sedar.sedar akan peranan aku kepada aku. biarlah aku sendiri yang mencari dan terus mencari tuju hidup ini.


Ahad, Jun 20, 2004

... rejoice and here i rejoice again.

1 . 'smallville' season 3 will be re-appearing on your local screen next month (TV3), so mark your calendar.fanboy!

2 . 'Smallville: The complete first season' is out now on exclusive box set!

Before the Legend...Before the Icon...He was a teenager growing up in Smallville. The complete first season of the groundbreaking series that chronicles the life of the boy who would be Superman is flying onto DVD in a 6-disc collector's set with super bonus features.

( go.go get it now! )

"-Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart."

--- The Kindly Ones

this one is called... " Boys and girls together ".

Boys don't want to be princes.
Boys want to be shepherds who slay dragons,
maybe someone gives you half a kingdom and a princess,
but that's just what comes of being a shepherd boy
and slaying a dragon. Or a giant. And you don't really
even have to be a shepherd. Just not a prince.
In stories, even princes don't want to be princes,
disguising themselves as beggars or as shepherd boys,
leaving the kingdom for another kingdom,
princehood only of use once the ogre's dead, the tasks are done,
and the reluctant king, her father, needing to be convinced.

Boys do not dream of princesses who will come for them.
Boys would prefer not to be princes,
and many boys would happily kiss the village girls,
out on the sheep-moors, of an evening,
over the princess, if she didn't come with the territory.

Princesses sometimes disguise themselves as well,
to escape the kings' advances, make themselves ugly,
soot and cinders and donkey girls,
with only their dead mothers' ghosts to aid them,
a voice from a dried tree or from a pumpkin patch.
And then they undisguise, when their time is upon them,
gleam and shine in all their finery. Being princesses.
Girls are secretly princesses.

None of them know that one day, in their turn,
Boys and girls will find themselves become bad kings
or wicked stepmothers,
aged woodcutters, ancient shepherds, mad crones and wise-women,
to stand in shadows, see with cunning eyes:
The girl, still waiting calmly for her prince.
The boy, lost in the night, out on the moors.

"- The one I just hate is when I'm just an actor on a strange television version of my life. Have you ever had that dream?
- Doesn't everyone?"

Rabu, Jun 16, 2004

" ... dreams are composed of many things,my son ... of images and hopes, of fears and memories. memories of the past and memories of the future ."

- the sandman: vol I,preludes and nocturnes.

a time for poems and quotes ...

All around me darkness gathers,
Fading is the sun that shone;
We must speak of other matters:
You can be me when I'm gone.

Half-remembered lines of Shakespeare; change of times and states and crystal tresses --
and me, going out to see the stars,and afterward the plague, and then the fire.
I always wondered how they noticed stars, after all, the sky is filled with stars
and planets, and I've never quite been able to tell the two apart, see which was which.
And why did daylight scare them so?

Stars fall, Which is much worse,
But that does not make us fear that wars will come,
and fires and plagues will come,
established things be overturned and new things come
-- and new things are never comfortable things.

So I walk down , and stare up
at the night. So many stars.

But only one stars, obvious, and perfect and precise,
its tail a ghost and white against the night.
On seeing it, I understand at last.
And shiver,

for the change that's always coming.

and here i am; pondering at the stars.

Selasa, Jun 15, 2004

... hari ini aku dihadiahkan dengan satu perkataan : cekal.

biarpun hidup ini berdugaan dan terlalu hebat cabaran,rintangan itu bukanlah jalan mati buat kita untuk terus mencari.kawan2 tetap ada disisi dan mereka itu sangat jujur.hari ini dua sahabat berkongsi sesuatu --- yang satu menceritakan tentang nilai dan harga sebuah hidup dan yang seorang berkisah tentang erti sebenar sebuah kejujuran.memang sentimen ini berbaur emosi tapi aku tetap terbuka untuk mendengar dan memahami.

mereka-mereka ini masih mencari; sepertimana aku.tapi yang penting sekarang ini adakah sabar dan cekal itu ada dalam kantong bekalan??? tidak ramai orang berprinsip seperti ini termasuk juga aku.aku bercakap atas dasar sedar diri.Ayuh!mari kita bersatu hancurkan dan musnahkah musuh itu yang bernama malas --- malas untuk berfikir sejenak.

Isnin, Jun 07, 2004

( … inspired while listening to “I’ll be there” by the Jackson Five - courtesy of Hafidz Nasir Music Library)

It seems that one of the worst mistakes in many relationship is that, without even knowing it … assuming, at times that our other half can read minds. Or, if not assuming they can do so, we very often expect them to.

I was talking to a friend when he started to complain of his girlfriend’s inability to stay organized. He seemed tormented by the issue and, in fact, he had brought this subject to my attention on several previous occasions. Finally, I asked him, “ Does ***** know how much this bugs you?” It turned out that she(his girlfriend) had no idea that it concerned him in the least!

There are several good reasons why it’s important to recognize this problem. First, and most obviously - it creates a great deal of grief and inner turmoil for yourself. You carry around a ton of frustration that has little, if anything, to do with you. You’re mad; bothered, or irritated about something and you’re the only one who knows about it. If that isn’t self-induced stress, what is???

Second, it’s not really fair to your partner. Here you are steaming mad about something and you don’t even give your partner the courtesy of telling her what it is that’s bugging you. You’re probably coming across as mad or irritated but she doesn’t even know what it’s about. In cases like these, you’re demanding that she read your mind! What chance does she have? How can she explain herself … much less do anything about it?

The first thing that bothered many boyfriends about girlfriends is their tendency to keep boyfriends waiting. After a while, we guys will start fuming about it. I told one of my good friends of my personal experiences; I sulked, complained, and wish she would change. Finally, when I couldn’t stand it any longer - I brought it up to her. In a very sincere, non-defensive tone, she said; “I’m really sorry. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I wish you would have told me sooner”. It turned out that while I was obsessively punctual, she was quite comfortable running a few minutes ‘behind schedule’. She simply didn’t think that it was a big deal and had no idea it was bothering me. So, while keeping people waiting may not be a great idea … clearly the responsibility of dealing with the issue was in my hands. I was expecting her to read my mind. And while she has many magical qualities, reading my mind is not one of them(…heheh! I still wish she have that ability to do so).

What we’ve learned is that when something is bothering you, it’s usually best to let your partner know about it. Pick a time when nether of you is in a defensive mood. Then bring up the issue gently and respectfully and see what happens. It seems logical that, in most cases your chances of a favorable outcome are far better than if you rely on your partner reading your mind. If at all possible, avoid the self-destructive thought, “He (or she) should know what I want or need”. You’ll make it easier on yourself and on your relationship if you go ahead and let them know.

Jumaat, Jun 04, 2004

what's eating faizal mukhtar ?

If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I’ll smile again

Shouldn’t be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again

Can you help me I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together

You’re breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

If I couldn’t sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

I started out clean but I’m jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin

Can you help me I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together

You’re breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Start bending me
It’s never enough
I feel all your pieces

Start bending me
Keep bending me until I’m completely broken in

Shouldn’t be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again

Can you help me I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together

You’re breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Can you help me I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together

You’re breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

by matchbox20.

Khamis, Jun 03, 2004

apokalips ...
- m.nasir

Ada masanya aku suka berteman
Ada masanya aku suka bersendiri
Ada masanya aku suka berjalan
Ada masanya aku suka berehat

Ada masanya engkau suka berteman
Ada masanya engkau suka bersendiri
Ada masanya engkau suka berjalan
Ada masanya engkau suka apa yang ku suka

Hidup dan nasib roller-coaster
Susah dan senang bersilih ganti
Bila-bila boleh naik dan turun.

Selasa, Jun 01, 2004

Berfikir sesaat …

Selalunya apabila saya melihat sesuatu yang begitu, timbul pertanyaan dihati saya … mengapa tidak begini? Apabila ada sesuatu yang saya rasakan tidak munasabah, hati saya mencadangkan sesuatu; bukankah baik kalau perkara itu dibuat begini, dibuat begitu. Jika saya ditimpa masalah berpunca daripada sesuatu peralatan yang saya gunakan, hati saya mengatakan mengapa mereka tidak buat begitu dan tidak begini.

Hati saya sentiasa berkata2 … mencadangkan pembaikan, mempersoalkan perkara yang sedia ada dan mempertikaikan sesuatu yang rasanya boleh dipertingkatkan.

Kadang2 hati saya lebih berani dengan memperlekeh hal2 yang tidak boleh diterima relevannya dengan kehidupan masa kini. Kemudian ‘dia’ memberikan cadangan demi cadangan. Berkata saya kepada diri sendiri; ‘ … suatu hari jika aku sudah dewasa, aku akan mengubah ini menjadi itu … suatu hari kalau aku berkuasa aku akan buat begini, bukan begitu … suatu hari … suatu hari ’.

Apabila usia saya semakin meningkat, keupayaan minda saya memberikan alternatif semakin nyata. Saya merasakan seperti disalurkan pada satu alat yang menyimpan begitu banyak maklumat ( …namun, maklumat2 itu tidaklah nyata; barangkali perumpamaan yang sama sekiranya dibandingkan dengan trilogi ‘The Matrix’ ).Ia hanyalah gambaran2 kabur tanpa saya tahu asasnya. Yang saya tahu saya memiliki satu idea --- mungkin ‘jalan keluar’ kepada yang sedia ada ataupun kadang2 cadangan2 baru yang hanya ada dalam minda para inovator seperti saya.

Barangkali juga semuanya bermula sewaktu kanak2. Dan kemungkinan juga tabiat pembacaan komik saya yang agak keterlaluan dan kadangkala ‘terlampau’. Imaginasi saya liar sungguh pada waktu itu. Saya fikir semua kanak2 juga begitu, cuma imaginasi yang terbentuk dalam minda saya itu mungkin mencetus dalam bilah2 yang lebih berdisiplin dan teratur. Saya dapat melihat pergerakannya … perkembangannya higgalah menjadi ‘benda’. Hanya saya gagal mewujudkannya secara nyata.

“ … semuanya bertolak daripada imaginasi,
hanya imaginasi yang telah muncul lama dahulu .”

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