Isnin, Mei 31, 2004

“ the punching bag … ”


Lets face it, most of us like to vent --- at least once in a while. It just feels good to certain things off your chest. And while venting is something that neither of us advocates as a technique or as a way to relax, we have to admit that on occasion … we do it too. For whatever reason, when you’re frustrated; it sometimes feels good to share that frustration with someone you love. And even if it doesn’t feel good, sometimes you just can’t seem to help it.

There’s an enormous different between an occasional venting session where you’re letting off steam versus making venting an ‘integral’ part of your regular communication. We’ve observed that in relationships where one person is a regular ‘venter’ --- the other person often reports feeling like a punching bag!

One of the problems with venting is that there’s an endless supply of material to vent over. In other words, there will always be things to be upset about if you focus is in that direction. Therefore, if you associate ‘feeling better’ with letting off steam while talking to your partner, it’s addictive and easy for it to become a habit. Naturally, your assumption would be that more is better.

It’s easy to see why a participant on the listening end of a venting session might begin; especially over time … to feel like a punching bag.

Imagine for a moment, that you’re a little tired at the end of the day. You’re feeling relatively peaceful and as if life is treating you well. As you pick up a book or magazine to read for a few minutes before dozing off, your partner calls and begins to complain about his day. You love your partner and certainly want to be supportive. You put down your book and begin to listen. During the next 10 minutes, your mood undergoes a big shift. You’ve been told of many horrible things, reminded of the ills of the world and of how unfair and hard life can be. The arguments are so convincing you’re starting to believe it yourself. Argghh!! It starts again. They go on telling you some negative gossips and several examples of greed. At this moment, it seems that your partner; bless their heart … hates their life. They told you of people who have wronged them and the others they’re mad at.

In this example, the ‘venter’ was probably just in a really low mood and feeling sorry for themselves. In all likelihood, they will see things differently tomorrow. And certainly, if the listener knew this based on their previous knowledge of their partner, they probably wouldn’t worry about it too much. They could simply listen and be as supportive as possible.

On the other hand, it’s difficult to always have the perspective needed not to be brought down by the venting of someone else; especially when it’s excessive. So, even though some venting is probably inevitable … there is a bit of selfishness involved as well. In other words, when we vent, someone else may be paying the price. So perhaps the best thing to dos is simply be aware of how much venting is ‘OK’ and how much is too much. ;)

Again, we’re not saying it’s never a good idea to vent, especially in small doses. However, it’s a good idea to keep it under control. Doing so will keep your partner from feeling like a punching bag.



Thank you.


Khamis, Mei 27, 2004

tenang.

hari ini lewat petang,hari hujan.syukur kerana sudah lama tidak disimbahi rahmat.aku pernah terfikir sejak dari beberapa minggu lalu --- kemaraukah? Naahh!Tuhan itu Maha Pemberi dan patut ada rasa bernasib tinggal di bumi Tuhan.Setiap kali air itu turun,setiap kali itu juga aku rasa inilah antara masa-masa paling berharga buat aku kerana ilham datang selari dan secara seiring dengan titisan dari langit itu.

aku rasa dicurahi semangat.Semangat yang tidak wujud dalam diri orang lain.Dan aku tahu orang itu adalah aku.


aku rasa tenang.

Selasa, Mei 25, 2004

dari dalam ...


sedang aku memerhatikan ruangan testimonial dihalaman friendster aku ketika tadi,aku agak kagum dengan rasa jujur sahabat.mereka luah yang sebenar tentang diri...authentic.
dikupasnya aku,ada yang cermat ... ada yang rakus.aku terlantar dalam tenang diri.senyum sendiri dan diselang-seli perasaan terharu.aku dihentam jiwa dan emosi.tersenyum lagi...

hidup ini tidak punya nokhtah akhir dan aku dulu tidak ada rasa berhaluan.membawa diri entah kemana perginya.namun kini sedar;sahabat banyak tolong diri,banyak bantu diri.aku dibentuk dengan acuan yang diadun mereka.kalimah ini aku ucap buat semua
- terima kasih.


semoga kita ini kekal hubungan disini dan disana,yang pasti ini tidak mustahil.


katakanlah - aku telan dengan tenang.mereka ini semua kawan2.ini hak dan aku rasa kagum dengan mereka.yang datangnya dari sekolah sri subang(mereka aku kenang),sekolah subang utama(mereka membentuk jiwa remaja),itm(evolusi diri bermula disini) dan semua yang hadir diluar sana.lantas blog ini wujud atas dasar itu.hadiah apresiasi buat kamu.satu persembahan dari dalam --- hayati.

aku ini sentimental.

Khamis, Mei 20, 2004

How long should you wait before you call or contact a date?

(...you know who you are when you read this,mate.GOOD LUCK!!)


If you've had first date with a person you can NEVER call him or her until he or she calls you. There are no exceptions to this rule. If you haven't gone out with them, you can call a few days later, anywhere between two days and seven days. (Any longer and it all gets weird). You must be sober when you do and it is best done on an ordinary telephone. Lie on the bed and call - it automatically makes you sound sexy. Do not send cute text messages to start off with and only do so if he first sends you one. I'm not sure about emails but I think they're best avoided. You can't gage someone's demeanour or tone in an email so you waste your leverage when you send them and you don't get much information back. Also, they make you too self-conscious and the old rule about not putting anything in writing probably applies here. Don't leave messages to a friend of him or her to begin with either. Try and get it live. The chances are you won't be able to adopt exactly the right level of casualness; so don't risk it.

It is better not to call at all though. If they wants to see you they'll call you. No person is too shy to phone when they're interested so that excuse doesn't wash. As a relationship progresses, you are allowed greater freedoms but a little tact and self-restraint are essential to get you through the first six months.

for the ladies out there:
questions every man dreads - and why


Good communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship, but some questions are best kept to yourself ... no?

Picture this. After spending an incredible night together, you're sitting together in the car with your partner and feeling more intimate than ever. The only thing that could make this romantic scene even cosier is talking about just how cosy the romantic scene is. But just as you're about to whisper, 'What are you thinking?' in your partners's ear, you stop. Why?

You're not alone. When it comes to relationships, most couples(... especially women) wanted to know everything that a man is thinking. His secrets are often considered little enemies, capable of tearing the relationship apart. But nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, it's absolutely necessary for each partner to have his or her own personal world - thoughts, feelings and boundaries that belong to him or her and no one else. So what's a well-intentioned woman to do? Start by avoiding the following questions:

1. Are you attracted to other women?
Don't pry into this. Some women keep asking their man whether or not he is attracted to other women. A man who doesn't look at anyone or feel anything for other women is either very old, very tired or simply lying. There is nothing wrong with a man who looks at and admires other women, as long as he does it discreetly, doesn't make a show of it in front of other people and doesn't use it to make you insecure or competitive with the other women.
Looking at and responding to others doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't find you desirable or is comparing you. Most men fuel their sexuality and fantasies by admiring women. If you ask him to talk about it, not only will it make you nervous, but he might feel embarrassed and exposed as well. He will feel unable to do what he does naturally, without being censured. Enjoy his love for you and leave this one alone.

2. What happened in your past relationships?
Some women become obsessed with finding out everything about their man's past. They need to know if they measure up to ex-girlfriends, if he's as happy with them as he was before and if he's really over a past heartbreak. There's no need to probe any of these issues. You might be especially concerned about what went wrong with your partner's previous relationships. Remember, though, he might have been a very different man then, and he probably learned from his mistakes. Try not to hold his past wrongs against him because chances are he doesn't want to be reminded of them. He doesn't want you to see him in a bad light. Let him be the person he is now. Let him feel good about how he is with you and not dragged through memories of what he did (or didn't do) with other partners. If you let the past be the past, that is where it will stay.

3. Where (or how) do you think our relationship is going?
Many women just can't wait to get around to the 'relationship discussion'. They want to know how their man is feeling about the relationship in general, so they sit him down to get the details. The problem is that this discussion makes many men feel pressured - and restless. This question is pretty vague, and he may not understand what you're actually asking him. For example, is this the precursor to discussing marriage, or do you simply want to know whether he's content with the relationship between you? Of course, a man will have opinions of where the relationship is going, just like women do. The problem is that after being prompted to address a heavily weighted issue like this, some men fear that, depending on how they answer this question, they might be in for an intense, uncomfortable discussion. They could feel judged and criticised, and if this happens too often, it can easily make them drift away. Instead of pinning all of your expectations on a forced discussion, try to keep communication open in the relationship - all the time. That way, you can both express your feelings as they arise, and have them heard and attended to naturally.

4. What are you thinking?
Some women want to make sure that a man is thinking only of them, but this is a very complicated question for a bloke. Although he loves you - and may be very happy with you - it is normal for your man to occasionally to think of 'others'. And it's not because he isn't there with you. This only means that he's making the experience exciting for himself in many ways. Don't probe his secret fantasies unless he wishes to discuss them with you. If he doesn't bring it up, chances are that asking him about it will make him feel criticised, guilty and perhaps restricted. On the other hand, if he does wish to share his fantasies, this can be tricky too. Make sure you can tolerate hearing about what's going on in your man's mind, and remember not to assume he doesn't care about you. It's perfectly acceptable to decide you don't want to hear about these fantasies. Just let him know about your wishes gently, if and when he tries to fill you in.

5.. Do you enjoy being with your friends more than being with me?
Many women become possessive of their man's attention and resentful of time spent away from them. This is particularly true for nights out with the guys. Women want to be included in every activity as proof of their partner's love for them. And if a man is out with his friends, they ask if he enjoyed the time more or less than time spent at home because they secretly want to hear that he did not. Some women even feel threatened when a man is with his family. The fact is your man needs time for male bonding, no matter how much he cares for you. Truly loving him means allowing him to be all of who he is and realising that no matter how much he loves you, he also needs others in his life. The more fulfilled he is, the more he can give to you. The beautiful part of having a healthy relationship is that you are both secure enough in your feelings that you want to see each other happy, no matter who you're with or what you're doing.


i believe this is all useful ... for us.

Ahad, Mei 16, 2004

sejak akhir2 ini,aku tidur lewat dan akhirnya tetap bangkit dengan awal.langsung terus ke meja computer peribadi dan membuat sedikit nukilan yang berbaur emosi.adakah ini indikasi yang memaparkan diri aku yang agak pathetic?aku musykil dalam diam.



... as i stroll down memory lane,i can see all the good times i've been thru.do i miss all those great moments in life.life as i see it;is too good to me.but i treat it as if i got another second chance in everything.nobody wants to make the same mistake twice but me --- its a passion to make error more than enough.i need somebody to guide me.im lost.

Sabtu, Mei 15, 2004

kalau boleh.

semalam aku tengok 'troy'.terfikir lagi aku,bila la agaknya hollywood nak jemput buat filem mega budget based on epic mythology tanahair kita ni.kan ker best kalau dapat penangan jerry bruckheimer ker,micheal bay ker,george lucas ker,steven spielberg ker,joel silver ker ... tak ker terangkat namanya tu.banyak jugaklah story yang boleh dibikin kalau kena gaya : hang tuah lima bersaudara,badang,leftenan adnan(kali ni buat kasi betul),pasir salak,bukit kepong(revisited),rentap,datuk bahaman,tuk janggut,singapura di langgar todak,panglima awang(henry the black),parameswara(conquest of paradise reloaded),31 of august'57(the birth of a nation) or yang paling aku nak tengok - - - - 1969:13 May( filem ni maybe for international screening kot sebab org malaysia sensitive plus mesti kena gam punya!).

sambil kita pay tribute to the classics and legends, teringin pulak nak tengok modern fiction,tak lain dan tak bukan - superhero!fuhhh!!!fanboy yang macam aku dan angkatan2 yang berkaitan mesti rasa diri di awang-awangan punyalah kalau ada superhero buatan budak tempatan.kalau boleh standard tu mesti la standard global sebab yang buatnya hollywood kan??budak kita ni banyak idea cuma support ajer tarak!tak caya ... cuba tanya aku.

ni dah siap berangan-angan la lepas ni.

Khamis, Mei 13, 2004

... malam-malam aku duduk diam sambil memandang akan diri.terfikir apa yang sebenarnya jadi dalam sendiri.tapi akhirnya aku terlena kerana terlalu letih dan tidak bermaya.daya menjadi kurang lalu akhirnya hanyut,sehingga esok.

aku ulang perbuatan itu malam esoknya,dan esoknya,dan esoknya dan esoknya.

kesudahannya mungkin tiada berpenghujung.


Di balik cermin mimpi
Aku melihat engkau
Di dalam engkau
Aku melihat aku
Ternyata kita adalah sama
Di arena mimpi yang penuh bermakna

Bila bulan bersatu dengan mentari
Bayang-bayang ku hilang
Di selebungi kerdip nurani
Mencurah kasih, kasih murni
Mencurah kasih

Di balik cermin, cermin mimpi
Adalah realiti yang tidak kita sedari
Hanya keyakinan dapat merestui
Hakikat cinta yang sejati
Hakikat cinta yang sejati

Dengan tersingkapnya tabir siang
Wajah kita jelas terbayang
Dan terpecah cermin mimpi
Menjadi sinar pelangi
Pelangi


M. Nasir - 'Di Balik Cermin Mimpi'

Isnin, Mei 10, 2004

... Then again

Having a so-called ‘near normal’ life isn’t disastrous nor dull after all. My
life now is a whole lot ‘presentable’ then my previous one. I see the world in a
different angle and with another stroke of self-perspective. But no matter how
hard we all tried to strive for the best, there’s still no such thing as
‘perfect’…


I talk of this and I talk of myself. I never seem to understand how the world
works but I know this; how it will someday end and how it already begun. To
fulfill this destiny isn’t much easier either. A moment like this comes along
often of late. I rarely sleep well at night. Quite far from being settled each
day as it passes by. This feeling will never end. At least not soon. But to hope
for something is not forbade in life. And I hope for me to be more me.


And I see you in me, my faith and my destiny. You love me --- you hate me ---
you despise me --- you perceived me --- you ignore me --- you take me for
granted --- you understand me --- you reject me --- you feel me and you have me.
But what of not being me when you supposed to see me and accept me as I am truly
‘is’? Here and by now I believed that you all had already realized that I am
speaking of you : my friend.
These words are immortal. Please take it.


You become what you think about all day long. If you want to attain ‘such’ thing
you must be ‘such’ a person. Since I am ‘such’ a person, why trouble about
‘such’ thing? To know that you know, and to know that you don’t know --- that is
the real wisdom. And remember this and remember this well : those who seek the
easy way do not seek the true way. And then again … this is just me being me.


A good explanation; never explain anything.

- Zen saying.


lama dah aku tak menulis,tapi jangan khuatir ... ilham akan datang bila inspirasi tiba. sementara menunggu,komentar dan kritikan sekali lagi dialukan.dan juga aku tinggalkan ini buat tatapan dan kudapan minda semua.silakan ---

(kalau dulu aku kenalkan korang ngan rock kangkang,sekarang kenalilah dan hayatilah keindahan rock rengek.lagi syahdu dari rock leleh,lagi cair dari rock kapak!!)

Kau umpama bunga
yang mekar di hatiku
Ku harap kau mekarlah
selama-lamanya

Kau umpama bintang
menyinari hidupku
Ku harap kau
terus bersinar

Di ketika kau
Perlukan aku
Sentiasa aku
Ada di sisimu
Di ketika
Rindu padamu
Terasa cinta
Semakin dalam

Sayang
Kasihku abadi
Cintamu mekar
Di hati ini

Kau dalam ingatan
Di sepanjang hayatku
Demi teguhnya cinta
Selama-lamanya

cintamu mekar dihati - May

Isnin, Mei 03, 2004

" Dari Sinar Mata "

Keunggulan cinta dari sinar mata
Yang bergelora
Hati ditaman berbunga
Satu impian satu harapan
Sudah pasti ada sebaliknya
Satu rahsia

Engkau di mataku adalah cahaya
Perjalanan ku
Terang menyuluh segala
Yang tersembunyi
Lama kucari
Sudah pasti ada jawapannya
Kemungkinan itu

Datang hampir senja sedang aku
Merangkak dan kehausan cinta itu
Kau hulur tangan mu
Membawa ku ke atas semula
Berdoalah aku kesyukuran
Tercantum cinta jadi satu
Biar ku tebus segalanya
Agar di teman cinta yang suci itu


--- teruskan perjuangan kangkangan rock kite!!!!LONG LIVE THE 80'S!!!!

Sabtu, Mei 01, 2004

ini pulak antara koleksi lagu yang menjadi pujaan aku di zaman aku menjadi sorang mamat rock kangkang yang jiwang tahap karat satu masa dulu ... harap nangis!


" Antara Gadis "

Antara gadis yang ku temui
Kau saja kini dalam renungan
Mungkin kerana dengan senyuman
Terpegun diriku ...

Ketika bayu mencium pipi
Suria pula terasa hati
Kerana dikau sungguh rupawan
Terpaku diriku ...

Mengapakah kau melangkah pergi
Ketika ku masih perlu
Menatap wajahmu kali akhir
Dan lantas menyelam rindu

Antara bebunga yang menyeri hidup
Kau jadi ratu
Antara delima yang menyinar lama
Kau berkilauan ...


FUUUHHH!!! LELEH ABISS GUA CAKAP LUUUU ...

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