getting rid of those reasonable doubts

" necessitas probandi incumbit ei qui agit "
-
some Latin maxim I read today.

I'd been an avid writer for about four or five years now and had two or three dayjobs before I decided that it was time to go all solo.

Writing for a wide variety of things is fun work. There aren't any rules. Making things up thru writing is also really cool like that. Some writers like to find something they can do and then do it over and over, while others like to go off and do lots of things. I'm much happier doing something I've never done before and making a whole new set of mistakes, than I am doing something that I know I can do and do well later on. (I understand that this may be frustrating for people who would very much like me to write something like the last thing I did they liked.)

But, I've never had a publisher or editor or agent or anyone telling me I could go all the way over and do lots of things and getting paid in form of royalties or contractual payments or even tokens.

I guess I am the world's biggest fan of my own work, kot? Syok sendiri? Chaisss...

Well, it's hard to be a proud fan of your own work and not both at the same time. You'll always see how far it was from what you had in mind when you sat down to write. (The only thing that seems to fix that is time. But time still won't make you a fan of what you've written and when it does, when you find yourself laughing at a joke you've forgotten that you told people a long time ago. It normally just makes you worry that you used to have it but you probably don't any more.)

If people you trust say they like it, they probably like it but that doesn't make you respect them any less than more because they like the story. It's one reason that people reading your stories is so important in the beginning. Anyone can say they like it but sending a cheque and then printing the story, that's 'love'.

Also, once it's written, the writer is just one more person with an opinion about the work. It's certainly an informed opinion but that doesn't make your opinion more right than anyone else's, I'm afraid. Whether they like it or they don't.

It's best to make art and not to worry. I'll take the satisfaction of having built something that did what I hoped it would do over being in love with my own voice any day. It's safer but I'll take my chances. Make good art that says sort of what you set out to say and then, when it's good enough for anyone, go on to the next thing.

Lots of stuff going on this past few months, most of it either odd or interesting. Most of it odd, of course. In addition, I have so many short stories in my head wanting to be written, while I have:

a) a book manuscript, a screenplay and a project event all with deadlines from hell, and...

b) no-one waiting for the short story in question. I think I shall ask the short story to wait until I have time to write it and hope it's still there when I do. It is most vexing. I like making up short stories more than anything else when it comes to writing stuff.

The only challenge with doing lots of things is that you have to start from scratch each time. But that's OK as well, I think.


p/s: You know what is happening, alright. I am in one of those lousy-emof**king mood-situation. I'm way behind on everything, I only get two days before that AhLong drop by my house again and asking for my 3 months Maxis post-paid impending payment and some more unfinished business.

I won't mind exclaiming this.

... because now, it's a little bit scary.


( entri ni sedap dibaca sambil ada lagu Pink Floyd 'Another Brick in the Wall' sebagai latar main kat belakang. Aku hampir nangis bila tulis benda ni. Seriyus senak kepala. )

Ulasan

butterfly85 berkata…
senak kepala? uiks, ingatkan perut je boleh senak.. kepala pn sama? hee

oh,ya selamat berbuka walaupun ada lebih kurang 5 jam lg. hehe
butterfly85 berkata…
adoi, 4 kali saya try komen baru berjaya!! sakit jiwa betol..
kesimpulannya,

1) padanla komen2 kau di page aku semuanya berbaur nak carik gaduh.. kau jiwa kacau rupanya skg ni.

2) lain kali aku pegi buka puasa, kau jangan eksyen sangat. ikut je aku. kita melantak sambil bersuka-ria, lupakan yang laiinnn.

3) kau nak suruh aku bayar ke apa ni?? (lepas baca entry)
faizalmukhtar berkata…
[butterfly85]

senak otak lagi pedih dari senak perut, nak ooiiii!!!
faizalmukhtar berkata…
[zeekster]

1. pembetulan: bukan jiwa kacau, tetapi saraf serebrum kucar-kacir.

2. tak ajak, macamana nak menketedarah cara terhormat. lain kali ajak laa.. aww!

3. ye. bayar. aku lagi 2-3 hari ni nak diisytihar muflis ni.