"You get what anyone gets - you get a lifetime"
Have you ever been in love? Strange isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up in a very good way. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then a stranger, no different from any other person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like look at you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate not understanding what love is.
Heard voices in my head last night :
Life is a disease, mentally and physically transmitted and fatal. When ‘we’ hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn't make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When ‘we’ hold each other ‘we’ feel not safe, but better.It's all right; ‘we’ whisper, 'I'm here, I guard you.' and ‘we’ lie: 'I'll never leave you.' For just a moment or two the darkness doesn't seem so bad.
Sometimes I suspect that we build our traps ourselves, then we back into them, pretending amazment the while. Charitably I think sometimes, perhaps , one must change or die. And, in the end, there were, perhaps limits to how much I could let myself change. But people did not understand the price. Mortals never do. They only see the prize.Their heart's desire, their dream ... but the price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted. Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot.
The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
Truth is eternal. Knowledge is changeable. It is disastrous to confuse them. There is a tragic clash between Truth and the world we live in. Pure undistorted truth burns up the world.
Truth and love are the my law and devotion; form and conscience my manifestation and guide; nature and peace are my shelter and companion. Order is my attitude; beauty and perfection are my attack.